HomeOpinionDormant Volcano Erupted or Dormant Nuclear Tested? (Satirical) 

Dormant Volcano Erupted or Dormant Nuclear Tested? (Satirical) 

Ethiopia Volcano
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Desalegne Birara

Let’s talk about this . . . 

Dormant politicians failed our diplomacy, first of all.

Ethiopia wants access to the Red Sea by any means possible. The diplomatic approaches that Ethiopia utilised to get access to the sea have miserably failed so many times. The MOU with Somaliland had fallen apart too soon; and wedi afom also turned ice cold to Abiy, once he discovered that the Nobel Peace Prize was meant only for Abiy. Abiy was unnecessarily deceitful about that, of course. Thus the resentment has been worsening. 

Moreover, it is very recent to forget what Abiy Ahmed told the federal parliament regarding re-taking Assab, although we want to forget everything he says. He literally said, more babies are born in a year in Ethiopia than the total population of Eritrea, just to convince the parliamentarians that “we can defeat Eritrea and take the Assab port for us”. Not to mention what Shimeles Abdisa promised last year to the Oromo gathering, about celebrating Irrechaa at Assab town the following year. So, the desperation of Oromumma officials is evidently there. They cost anything to get to the sea. But this isn’t meant to belittle or undermine the legitimate need and possibilities of the country to have access to the sea. 

Dormant Rocks blocked our access to the Red Sea. Nature sabotaged us!

The land inside Ethiopia – along the Eritrean border, is considerably below sea level, but water expansion towards the mainland is blocked by a chain of rocks. Had these rocks been cracked by some natural or man made means, the water could have poured into the Ethiopian land and filled up the Danakil depression, which is up to 120 meters below sea level. But, cracking that rock is not possible by the current tech and financial capability of Ethiopia. 

Then, the headline story last month…

Ethiopia and Russia agreed to develop nuclear energy together! 

Really? 

I mean, it is up to the reader which story to take away, but how about this one …

Dormant nukes need to be tested!

It has been almost more than half a century since those nuclear weapons were manufactured and stored, ever since. I humbly think they would want to check them now if they still can be deployed to destroy certain nations. I humbly sense also a growing tension between the super powers, just like in the days of the 1970s. Maybe it’s going to be a hot war this time around, I’m just humbly fearing! 

So, testing the nukes, right? 

Counting how many nukes we got, is not the best gauge of power, I humbly guess. It is about how many of them work. Donald Trump said it loud and clear. “our nukes work, Russia’s don’t”, yeah! 

That is why testing is essential, but where? The oceans are not the best place to test nukes. Because, the ferenjis need healthy salmon! 

They obviously need massive land, which is not habited by people or animals, and has no crucial resources to extract. This story ends in a win-win situation, wait a minute!

What if Ethiopia is renting land for testing dormant nuclear weapons? 

Is Abiy Ahmed a dealer, and a bad one? …

Here is how a bad dealer – [it is never diplomacy] hallucinates …

Revenue will be generated from renting land for nuke testing. First tier advantage, the money helps stay in power and kill more ethnic Amharas. As a second tier advantage, the event transforms the land which could have cost in billions to realise the dream of access to water. Because, once the nukes crack the rocks, the water comes to mainland Ethiopia, so we don’t need to go to it. As a third tier advantage, the nukes break not only the rocks but also split the territory along the Great Rift Valley system. The crack in the landmass enables Oromumma to establish the long awaited Cush Empire, having independent ports. Imagine this as an Oromumma official. It sounds a great deal, right? 

So, which story are you taking away? Volcano or Nukes?

Anyway, we are past the deal and past the event now. What happened just has happened. 

But, a facade story about what just exploded was necessary to calm the public down. The area has active volcanoes, most suitable to facade what occurred. The aftermath of volcanic eruptions and nuclear explosions are more or less the same in terms of their effects to the surface of the earth. 

However, nukes have more dangerous consequences than volcanic eruptions. Volcanic eruptions affect lives and structures at the moment of the accident, but don’t have lasting calamities to the biodiversity, except the temporary ash and sulphur that rises to the stratosphere. On the other hand, nukes create radioactive isotopes. This is an existential threat to both territorial and aquatic biodiversity in the region. It manufactures incurable health conditions and diseases to humans, including genetic alterations. 

Yet people are flocking towards the place instead of running away from it. 

Mind you!

Your story take away can kill or save you!

The regime obviously utilises such incidents as an opportunity to depopulate the country. Abiy Ahmed repeatedly mentioned that the population must be reduced to a manageable amount. He said, 130 million is beyond the feeding and holding capacity of the country. So, he would import killer diseases if he didn’t have one at home. He uses ethnic cleansing and wars after wars as a permanent strategy of reducing the population. The war in Tigray and the current genocide on Amhara people has no different end.  

Looking at the world, through my exit . . .

The dormant public is successfully created by successive propaganda and agenda-feeding. Now, the society is completely numb. The genocide annihilating ethnic Amhara people in Ethiopia and Orthodox Christians in Oromia region particularly, is taking the lives of thousands each passing hour. No one talks about it. Yet, for whatever reason it is claimed, a single blast in a desert area, has made the headline story of all sorts of media across the entire world. Everyone was turned a blind eye to the genocide, and perked up for volcano. This scares me as a sociologist! 


Editor’s Note : Views in the article do not necessarily reflect the views of borkena.com  

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