Women, Relationship and marriage

BY Dimetros Birku
December 31,2009

A friend of mine wrote this on his facebook page: “Because they[women] are the custodians of the egg, and take nine months to bear a baby. And they are the primary caretakers of the very young in every culture in the world. So women are exceedingly valuable, because they are the ones who will rear a man’s DNA.”

I decided to kick off discussion on this topic partly because his view reflects my conception of women -My version of admiring nature transcends flora and fauna, a sunset on the beach, mountains and things like that. I admire beauty ( i call it nature) in the same fashion, if not more. Partly because I noticed the unease that exists vis-a-vis relationship( and marriage) in North American Society.

My friend’s view of women reflects the importance of women by virtue of their nature…which is true. This is even a divine construction…and it is important not only in terms of ensuring continuity of humanity but also for the sucess of one’s life on individual basis.Unfortunately, it is pervassive in this part of the world that women are seen as a problem. Women, on their part, complain a lot about men.

During my first year in Toronto, I was so surprised to see ads for a “cheaper and quick divorce service” in every single bus stops.Then I asked, myself, “what is wrong with advanced society?” Very soon I realized that relationship is over politicized and legalized.There is a lot of expectation, “do’s” and “don’ts” on both sides and you can tell that things would go wrong from the very beginning. I would say that the catalyst is Liberalism. Liberalism is like a faith and it is injected to all aspects of societal life. Relationship and marriage is not an exception.On top of that Hedonism and pop culture has its own negative impact on relationship. In consequence, you have incredible number of single mothers, single fathers and single men and women in their 30’s. Also in consequence,Relation is feared. It is clear that the problem is contributing to the crime rate.

I would say relationship is entirely an emotional and spiritual enterprise. And as such it should not be politicized by way of emphasizing rights and caged in a legal realm. Ethiopia has something to offer in this regard. I am of the view that marriage , as a concept and practice, in Ethiopia represents a spiritual and emotional construction. This is not to say that there is no problematic marriage in Ethiopia.No! But predominantly marriage is a success stroy. There is no emphasis on rights.Mutual recognition of the importance of one another is what matters most. “Ante tibes anchi tibishi” is the norm -not an emphasis on rights which is a political construction.And I don’t think that “quick divorce” service of lawyers, as things stands now, will have a market in a society like Ethiopia. So my whole point is that true women are really important…but relationship and marriage in a society like where live, North America, is so much strained by the notion of liberalism, femminism and obviously the offshoot is doubt towards relationship, a society dominated by singles and even crime. Marrriage should be kept out of the reach of politics and the philosopy of liberalism. Relationship and marriage need to emphasize emotion rather that rights -which is both a political and legal construction. I really like the terminologies “soulmate” and “significant other.”
They seem to indicate more the spiritual and emotional nature of relationship.Your thoughts on this please

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